Ninjabread Man Review (Wii)

Leaves A Bad Taste

So I made that mistake again, that awful, gut-wrenching mistake. I bought a copy of a game created by Data Design Interactive. The company have been responsible for many of the worst and most difficult moments of my life, yet for some reason I find myself unknowingly drawn to their releases like a moth to an open flame, and lord knows I end up the same.

In the early 1990’s there was a game released for the Commodore Amiga called Zool. Zool is considered a classic game and upon it’s release it received a large amount of positive reviews from critics. In the Mid-2000s, Zoo Digital wished to re-imagine the classic for the then-current generation of consoles, the Sony PlayStation 2 and the Nintendo Gamecube and commissioned DDI to create it. Zoo Digital were so appalled at what had been created that they canned the project and went back to the drawing board, whereas naturally DDI Games decided to change the protagonist and continue beating a dead horse.

I’m sure the initial version of Ninjabread Man was shitty, but the forced motion controls really add to my hate for the game. The motions are unresponsive, and will either end up in you getting killed by a delicious after-dinner treat or repeatedly falling to your death after attempting to shake the nun-chuck twice to perform a double jump in the platforming sections of the game. The Z button can also control your jumping, not that it’s ever explained to you, or even in the manual.

In the past it has taken me longer to complete a flash game than it took me to complete Ninjabread Man, and I guess that’s something I should be happy about, as it meant that I wouldn’t have to continue playing this biscuity mess for any longer. There are four levels in this game, FOUR. The first level is the tutorial, the second level is set outside, the third level is set inside and the final level features a bit of both. That just screeches brilliant level design. Perhaps it makes sense with the story.

No. There is no story. There is no explanation whatsoever, no cheaply made cut-scene and nothing of any worth written on the back of the box other than ‘Candy land is under attack!’. Fortunately, there’s a whole plethora of game modes to keep you entertained. You can collect power rods to activate a teleporter in ‘story’ mode, race against time in time attack or hearken back to the old school collectathon titles of yesteryear with the score pickups and hidden pickups modes.

The combat in Ninjabread Man leaves worlds to be desired, effectively being a swing of the wii-mote left and right to hit, and that’s that. It’s incredibly unresponsive too, so most of the time you’ll be waving your arms around like a lunatic whilst getting nibbled upon by a tart. The enemy types are also extremely limited and unimaginative, with the training dummy as one enemy and the cherry bakewell-cupcake for the other.

The camera will be the toughest enemy you face in the game though. During the platforming sections you will not be able to see where the Ninjabread Man is for the majority of them, causing you to repeatedly fall, miss jumps and get incredibly frustrated. You can tap the B button to position the camera directly behind you, but then you can’t see where you’re actually jumping to, it’s just horrible.

The reward for completing the game is the main draw. As you step onto the final teleport you are greeted with a long, suspenseful loading screen. After about a minute, you hear the music, the same music that was slathered onto Habitrail: Hamsterball the year before. Once the screen fades in it shows you are back at the main menu. That is the game.

Ninjabread Man was received horribly, it’s even been called one of the worst games of all time, and has three carbon copies of it made by the same developer; Anubis II, Trixie in Toyland and Rock n’ Roll Adventures. Despite all of the negativity, DDI Games took to their fanbase and asked for ideas for a sequel. Ninjabread Man II: Blades of Fury was proof that the game idea was so shallow that they had to ask the people they don’t have on their payroll to help them. Needless to say, this didn’t happen and shortly thereafter DDI Games started making mobile games exclusively, and I’m sure they suck too.

In conclusion, I have decided I will always give DDI’s efforts a try with an open mind and clenched fists. I do hope that one day they will redeem themselves in my eyes but I’m kinda doubtful. It’s a shame we won’t be getting any more console releases from them, but I’ll be sure to backtrack and try these gems out.