Team, we have problems. Big problems. Normally I like to enlighten you on specific problems in the gaming world and try to help correct the mistakes you make, but this…this is bigger than one issue, this encompasses more than a single game, a single marketing strategy, a single demographic, this encompasses EVERYONE. Not only are gamers at risk, but musicians, artists, and people who just want to talk and hang out with their friends. I’m talking about streaming, and it’s time we made a change.

As is well known by now, I like to stream. I know that all of you reading this tune in to my sporadic streams, eyes glued to your monitors and that this all may seem redundant, but as our group grows I must make sure everyone is up to speed. No adoring fan left behind, that’s our motto…okay so that’s not our motto, but it could be, but that’s neither here nor there. Streaming sites are a powerful tool, I personally use mine to play games with my friends, to hang out with people who have similar interests, and to avoid having to go to the bar to see busty women in low cut shirts. Why the hell am I going to pay a 5 dollar cover charge when I don’t even drink? What’s the point when I can just sit down in my comfy chair and pull up a streaming site? If that doesn’t work I have a plethora of, shall we say adult-oriented, sites I can access for free. I’ve worked as a bouncer, I really enjoyed it, but I’m not scrapping with drunk assholes for free, but with streaming I can have a good time with my friends, and do it all while playing video games, so where then lies the issues? What’s the problem? Where’s the beef? The set-up. The idol worship, the lies that anyone can make it as a streamer, when that is not true.

“But, Jareth,” you ask, heads tilted at an almost painful angle in confusion, “We worship you as though you were the second coming”.

Yes, this you do, and you are right to do so, but that’s different. My streaming talent is helping streams grow, while mine doesn’t. Honestly I’d rather have three or four people who are active and I enjoy talking to in my chat than 26,000 people who I’ll never know, but I’m kind of alone there. To get big you need views, but all the big name people have the views, so the little people have to fight amongst themselves to get the scraps. People complain about a stream, yet continue to frequent it. I complain about a stream, and I’ll never go there again. It’s a terrible system that reminds me of the popularity contest that was the “Class President” election. The best candidates aren’t the ones that are selected, it’s the most popular, and while everyone complains that there’s no point in running because they’re not popular enough to win, they’ll still vote for the favorite rather than who they think would be best. Johnny Trustfund wins again.

Well, Johnny, you ain’t got my vote. If you ain’t got the balls to strip down, oil up, and wrestle in the mud like a man, clawing your way through the trenches, I ain’t got the time to waste on you.

So, how does one gain the advantage in the streaming game? Well, if I knew that I wouldn’t be struck dreaming of hitting 175 followers, but from what I’ve seen during my research, which is extremely thorough and precise, with lots of follow up, so you know it’s legit, I have come to the theory that cutting corners is the only way to get big. That’s right, I’m calling it now. I’d say A LOT, not all, but a lot of the big name streamers used viewbots to get the recognition they need, and for those not in the know a viewbot is exactly what it sounds like, a bot designed to boost your channel and give you a higher place in the category you’re playing. Since I started streaming and have witnessed first hand people exploiting this system I have dreamed of the day Sky-Net launches just so I can go toe-to-toe with an Austrian accented view bot. I’d lose. I mean, come on, it’s a freaking robot designed to ruin my life, I wouldn’t even stand a chance, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t try. I want a revolution, Team, I want all the streamers who aren’t partnered, I want all the viewers who are just faceless usernames in chat, I want us all to stand together, to join arms in protest, and to declare loud and clear “Your system is broke, fix it, or we’ll fix it for you!” Okay, so maybe that’s a bit wordy…if anyone can think of a proper rallying cry to combat the “rich-get-richer” style of streaming sites please let me know. I’ll acknowledge your presence in the public forum of your choice.