The doorbell’s shrill call snaps my focus. The huge Tower Knight sends his massive shield crashing down on my poor hollow’s frail and most likely under leveled body. ‘You Died’, my screen informs as if I somehow didn’t comprehend what just happened. My level 25 Knight respawns by the Archstone, the gateway to the Nexus. I stand up, defeated, enraged by whoever ruined my one good shot at defeating the boss that has made me his bitch for the last three hours, though deep down, I know who it is. Unsurprisingly, Donald cowers on my doorstep, smokes a cigarette, seems jittery.

“Jimmy! I’m so glad you’re awake. I could really use a friend right now.” Donald says as his eyes light up. He pushes me aside and takes a seat next to mine without even waiting for my reply.

“Yeah, just make yourself at home.” I say and sigh. I sit down, pick up the controller and start the arduous journey of making my way back to the Fog gate that separates me from the Tower Knight.

“What’s this?” Donnie inquires.

“Demon’s Souls.” I say curtly, in no mood to explain.

“Looks difficult.”

“Yeah…”

Donnie takes out another cigarette, lights it and asks, “Did I ever tell you about my trip to Brazil?” he takes a long, soulful drag of his Marlboro.

“I don’t think so.” I say, not at all interested in anything he has to say. Because everything he says will merely be a distraction that causes my chance of success to plummet ever further downward. He doesn’t get the hint and launches into a story.

“About two years ago, I was in Rio. I had a stack of bills burning my upper thigh to cinders and a mind dead set on ‘having fun’, if you catch my drift.” He takes another drag like his life depends on it. I grunt in his direction, trying to keep my eyes and mind firmly on fucking demolishing this huge pile of rancid feces filled despair known simply as Tower Knight. “I was dancing to some lame pop song, in a club I forget the name of. I had a real buzz going. Like major Buzz.” He stops, turns to me, and smiles, waiting for some form of a reply.

“Go on…” I mutter and briefly glance in his direction, costing me over half my HP.

“And then I notice this unbelievably gorgeous Brazilian goddess smiling and waving at me from across the dance floor. I looked over both shoulders to make sure she was signaling me, and not some Calvin Klein model standing behind me. So I buy her a drink, make my entrance line, and she just looks at me, a big grin on her face.” Another pause, another drag. “She didn’t speak a lick of English. So I’m gesturing like a madman, making a fool of myself, when she leans into me, sticks her tongue down my throat and runs off to refresh our drinks.” The Tower Knight is almost down, but alas my state of perpetual virginity makes my focus wane whenever a woman is introduced to the story. A wayward arrow straight through the neck instantly punishes me. I glare at Donnie, hope he can read the message of abject disgust I am projecting with my eyes, dust myself off and begin anew.

“I took the drink, looked her in the eyes and slammed it back, and that was when things took a turn.” Donald suddenly seems uneasy. “The next day, I woke up in the bathtub of my hotel room. I could barely feel my torso so I looked down to see I was submerged in ice. The floor tiles and side of the tub were covered in blood.” A new cigarette is lit.

“So, what happened?” I have stopped playing, my Knight’s progress momentarily halted while I listen to Donald.

“I scrambled my way out the tub, wrapped my self in a towel to regain some warmth when I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. There was huge a gash on the left side of my lower back, crudely stapled together so I presumably didn’t bleed out.” Donald stops, looks at me.

“I don’t get it.” I say.

“The cunt stole my kidney, Jimmy. I thought it was obvious.”

“Jesus, are you going to be okay?”

“I’ll live, I’m on a list, it’s a mess. Just promise me man, NEVER go to Brazil.”

“Sure…”

“So, anyway, how are you?”